Celebrating British Comedians: Russell Brand, Ricky Gervais, Eddie Izzard, and more!
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”It annoys me a bit how people like squirrels but not rats. At the end of the day they’re the same thing, except that squirrels have had a better upbringing.
Karl Pilkington - Happyslapped by a Jellyfish (via charlierakes)
(Source: formerly-nicolaswindingrefn)
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Ricky Gervais & Karl Pilkington
- Ricky (pretending to be a patient): Hi doctor I have a pain.
- Karl (pretending to be a doctor): Oh yeah, where is this pain?
- Ricky: In my anus.
- Karl: Of course it is!
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They asked Karl what his “biggest pet hate” was, and he answered, “Just when there’s shit somewhere. When there’s shit somewhere and you can’t find it. And it stinks. I hate that.”
He thought “pet hate” meant “thing you hate about having a pet.” Oh, Karl. Lovely lovely Karl.
(Source: emilyemilydu)
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Bringing back the T-Rex
- Karl: Loads of people are living longer, and that's the problem. So what I'm saying is ...
- Steve: You think you should introduce tyrannous rex into London?
- Karl: Wandering around.
- Steve: Just have them wandering around, just picking people off?
- Karl: Just sort of random an' that. I mean, I'm not wishing that anyone I know dies an' that, but all I'm saying is, I don't know anyone who's died for ages. Whereas, if a dinosaur was knocking about, you'd go 'Oh, Neil's gone missing ...'
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”Methadone is a drug. Taking methadone is just like rearranging the furniture on the Titanic.
Russell Brand on using methadone to treat drug addicts (via rustyboots)
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Steve on the disadvantages of being tall:
- Steve: When you go on public transport, like when you go on a coach, the only place i can sit is that seat...
- Ricky: On the drivers lap!
- Steve: Either on the drivers lap or that seat on the very end, you know, which kind of, sticks into the aisle.
- Ricky: Why don't you just stand up at the back?
- Karl: You could drive it from the back!
- Steve: Here he comes! Watch it.
- Karl: Were you a tall baby?!
- Ricky: -Manic laughter- Mr and Mrs Merchant, you've given birth to a basketball player! Look at his dribble already! Were you a tall baby? Babies aren't tall!
- Karl: No, but at what point did you suddenly go 'Jesus nothing fits me!'
- Ricky: -Manic laugh-
- Steve: I didn't happen over night Karl!
- Ricky: Well when did teachers start calling you freak boy and lanky?
- Steve: They didn't...
- Ricky: Really?! You went to a funny school...
